When it rains...

It pours!

I don't get it. This year has been such a major roller coaster ride. Today, I found out that my dad was admitted in to hospital. He's had a minor stroke. Can you imagine, it's 4:26p.m. and I'm just waiting to go back home when I get an sms from my mum.

"Dad's been admitted to UH since this a.m. Might be stroke. Still waiting on diagnosis."

My hands start perspiring and I start feeling really weird...hot and cold all over and just plain uneasy. My dad...in the hospital. So I ring Jason and say "Are you ready to go? Dad's in the hospital."

We rush back home and I ring mom. She starts telling me everything (how dad didn't recognise his own hand...how he couldn't feel his toes...how he was sitting on the floor of the bedroom...) and that the neighbour helped mom to take dad to the hospital. The docs didn't know what was wrong. Mom was still waiting for someone to come & tell us what was wrong with dad.

"They've done a CT scan and its clear. They're concerned about his irregular heart beat. They still don't know what's wrong."

Waiting to find out what's wrong is always killing. Seconds drag into minutes drag into hours and feels like forever. Not knowing is always worse than knowing. You can't do anything with the unknown...you can't deal with it because you don't know what IT is...you can't see it, feel it, touch it, comprehend it. It becomes larger and scarier than what it really is, what it really should be. It becomes a monster that haunts you and stalks you and makes life a living hell.

So then, what now?

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot...and hang on.