Light a Million Candles

Now that dad is going well, it's time we focus our energies on other endeavours. I tag all of you to try and tag as many people as you can to this cause. I think we all should...

The innocent victims of Internet child abuse cannot speak for themselves.

But you can.

With your help, we can eradicate this evil trade.

We do not need your money.

We need you to light a candle of support.

We're aiming to light at least One Million Candles by December 31, 2006.

This petition will be used to encourage governments, politicians, financial institutions, payment organisations, Internet service providers, technology companies and law enforcement agencies to eradicate the commercial viability of online child abuse.

They have the power to work together. You have the power to get them to take action.

Please light your candle at lightamillioncandles.com or send an email of support to light@lightamillioncandles.com.

Together, we can destroy the commercial viability of Internet child abuse sites that are destroying the lives of innocent children.

Thank God for friends.

Dear friends,

Thank you for all your well wishes, prayers, emails, smses and support. I spoke to my dad this evening. He sounds weak and tired. But at least he's feeling well enough to talk and tell me not to waste my money on a ticket back to Malaysia to see him.

Not feeling well and thinking about me saving money. Almost back to normal. Almost like a normal conversation...only softer, more tired, older...

My mom told me that he had been re-admitted again last night but was discharged this morning. She said that the doctor had given him some medication that caused severe gastric pains and vomiting.

Mom said how our family friends came to look after dad so that she could go get his medication at the pharmacy...how a family friend went to get stuff for mom to make soup and porridge....how everyone's offered help, one way or another.

& how I'm a thousand miles away, not being able to do what a daughter should be there to do. *sigh* Breaks my heart.

And still, I sit here, unsure. The question still remains unanswered.

Should I go home?

When it rains...

It pours!

I don't get it. This year has been such a major roller coaster ride. Today, I found out that my dad was admitted in to hospital. He's had a minor stroke. Can you imagine, it's 4:26p.m. and I'm just waiting to go back home when I get an sms from my mum.

"Dad's been admitted to UH since this a.m. Might be stroke. Still waiting on diagnosis."

My hands start perspiring and I start feeling really weird...hot and cold all over and just plain uneasy. My dad...in the hospital. So I ring Jason and say "Are you ready to go? Dad's in the hospital."

We rush back home and I ring mom. She starts telling me everything (how dad didn't recognise his own hand...how he couldn't feel his toes...how he was sitting on the floor of the bedroom...) and that the neighbour helped mom to take dad to the hospital. The docs didn't know what was wrong. Mom was still waiting for someone to come & tell us what was wrong with dad.

"They've done a CT scan and its clear. They're concerned about his irregular heart beat. They still don't know what's wrong."

Waiting to find out what's wrong is always killing. Seconds drag into minutes drag into hours and feels like forever. Not knowing is always worse than knowing. You can't do anything with the unknown...you can't deal with it because you don't know what IT is...you can't see it, feel it, touch it, comprehend it. It becomes larger and scarier than what it really is, what it really should be. It becomes a monster that haunts you and stalks you and makes life a living hell.

So then, what now?

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot...and hang on.

Anything more than a mouthful...

Is a Waste!

Thursday morning, 7:49a.m. I'm still half asleep, having been walked to work by Jason and shoved in the direction of my office building. So close to Friday yet still so far.

So anyway, I trudge up my 4 flights of stairs (alright...3 of them are really mini flights but when it's not quite 8 in the morning and you can't really be bothered, all this effort is really beyond me). It feels like a millenia before I reach the office and let myself through the iron gates of hell (no jokes on the iron gates - they installed it last week due to a homeless guy walking around stealing food from the fridges and going into the girl's bathrooms. So who says the workplace doesn't resemble prison?).

So anyway, I walk into my office and the first person I see is X. She's talking to my boss and I can only see her back. I get to my desk, put my stuff away, start up my computer and turn around as X starts walking towards me to talk.

"Holy bazookas!" "What da...???!?!?!?!?!?" "OH MY GAWD!!!!! That should be totally illegal...I cannot believe..."

Random thoughts race through my head. My mind's not taking in what my eyes are seeing. The only thing going through my head is "That's just wrong." "I cannot believe my eyes!" "What on earth could have possibly been going through her head?" "& may your cup overfloweth...."

And overflow it did! Bearing in mind 'extremely stuffy Bank environment' and here we have X in an extremely low cut top with her assets almost free of their restraints! I know they say "If you've got it, flaunt it" but this is bordering indecent! Actually, it IS indecent! (I'm sure the guys get the picture and are happily drooling at their keyboards this very instant. Get a grip men and wipe that slobber before it does any damage to the computer.)

Now, I've never been a super conservative person and I believe in self expression but don't you think this is taking it a bit far? Having a young, nubile, well endowed woman walking around the office with half her assets hanging out? I'm not jealous or anything. Heck! I'm happy that I won't have to deal with gravity and the rages of motherhood combined! Not to mention age and wrinkles...

But when I think about it...was it just too much for my brain to comprehend early in the morning? Or have I just become a conservative, old-fashioned Malaysian?

To blog or not to blog...

That was the question...

For the last couple of weeks, I was in a funk (for want of a better word). Stuff had happened that didn't go my way. Work wasn't going well, everything outside work wasn't happening either and I was bored and wanting to be back in Malaysia. It was home sickness mixed with work angst mixed with pre-pre-middle age crisis (I am still young after all! *grin*).

Everytime I thought "Maybe I'll just blog about it", I stopped and asked myself..."Should I? Should I really blog about it?" And everytime I came back to the same answer..."Maybe later" and consumed another book (never realised that Garth Nix and Torey Hayden were such compelling storytellers).

But then some stuff happened in the past week that made me realise life isn't as bad as I made myself believe. I'm alive. That's enough reason to be happy. And I wasn't going to be hypocritical and complain...not much point. No one wants to listen to my rants and ravings...least of all me!

So I'm back and living life and loving the fact that I can shop for lacy underwear and have a husband who appreciates that ;) *grin* Now, where's that credit card of mine? Retail therapy is a wonderful thing!

p/s - Happy Birthday Zhapfire & ExtraPale!!!