Ahhh, just when you think things are going smoothly, life throws a wrench in the works. My dad had a stroke and is pretty much paralysed on the right hand side of his body.

I don't mean to complain but I am so tired. Tired of being the last to know. Tired of being the one who does the coordinating. Tired of being the go between. Tired of cleaning up after everyone. Just plain tired.

But most of all, I am sad. Of the extremely verbose and rich English language, this simple word sums up how I feel so succinctly.

I am sad that my dad will never be the same again. It has been shocking how much muscle and weight he has lost. And his speech...my multilingual father is reduced to a few simple words.

I am sad that my mom is beyond exhausted and that I can't do enough to help. And the light at the tunnel is still so so far away.

I am sad that my child will not know her grandfather as I know him. He was the man who taught me to ride a bike, catch a fish and sprint 100m. He nurtured my love for music and made me the analytical, methodical person that I am.

But most of all, in the depths of my soul, I am just plain sad. Terribly, unjustifiably sad. It is so unkind of God to leave such a strong man so weak and vulnerable. So terribly unkind.

But we must continue. For one day, we will come to the end of the tunnel. And hopefully, there will be light.

Please God, let there be light...


pugly said...


I really don't know what to say, for I know there's nothing I could say that could make it better or make you feel any better. I remember meeting your Dad twice - once when we came over to your house for Chinese New Year, and the other when you guys came to my house when my Dad passed away. I remember thinking: Wah, Moo's Dad is so handsome, so charming, so articulate - NOW I know where she got those from! What I can do is fervently pray that things will look up for all of you, that this is the worst part that you ever have to endure in this episode. I also pray that you're granted enough strength to pull yourself through this difficult time. Always here if you need me - just name it. Much love xx R.

Maggie said...

I'll drop by tomorrow evening. *hugs*

izchan said...

I know I am late.
But I still hope to pass you this.
there will be light.
Of that I know.

http://www.britishessays.co.uk/ said...

Please, do not be sad and do not give up! Yeah, life is so much tiring and exhausting from time to time. But we can only see a beauty when we saw something ugly. Sometimes we celebrate and sometimes we unfortunately cry. Everything is going to be alright!