The Hardest Thing...

Ahhh...it's been awhile since I've been blogging. Perhaps it's time to
change from the Weekender Moo to the Once In A Blue Moon (if you're
lucky) Moo. But regularly blogging is not the hardest thing.

I'm sure there's going to be other things that come later that are
hard but this seems insurmountable at the moment. I never thought that
this would be as hard as it is...but it is.

I can't seem to bring myself to leave the house with baby.

When you put that in type, geez, it sounds like I have a condition or
some phobia. I never thought that I'd be one of these people who's
life would stop once baby came.

But it has. Well, for the time being anyway.

Doing anything ordinary seems hard. Anything ordinary is
extraordinary. Having a shower, cooking a meal, sleep...oh how I miss
sleep. Like they say, you don't realise how much you miss something
till it's gone.

But still, that isn't as hard as leaving the house.

I've gone out with mom + baby and hubby + baby but not just me + baby.
I don't know what it is...maybe it's the fear of not being able to
handle her...or of breastfeeding in a strange place...I don't know.

But I must do it. Mom will be going home soon...so I have a deadline...

Can I do it?

Baby's First New Year

Ahhh...already, she's been with us for 12 days...and already our worlds have been turned upside down, inside out, round and round. Its been more amazing, frustrating, tiring, rewarding, crazy, unbelievable, stressful (you name it, we've probably gone through it) all rolled up in these 12 days than anything that we've possibly been through in any 12-day period.

And like true new parents, we welcomed the New Year by being asleep. Hubby and I went to bed at the same time (early!) since it had been an exhausting day of cleaning up after baby (she threw up twice! Once over her Nanna and the other time all over her cot) and had the momentous occasion of having her umbilical cord come off.

But what I found amazing given how tired we had both been is how we shared a moment in the middle of the night. For some reason, I had awakened and hubby had awakened at the same time and we just turned in bed and looked at each other...it was like something had made us both get up at the same time and made us look at each other. Something passed between us, I don't know what it was - it was fleeting, unspoken and beautiful...and before I knew it, we've both leaned into each other to share a New Year's kiss. And then we both went back to sleep...so unexpected, so simple yet so meaningful. I think so anyway...

So I hope you've managed to spend this New Years' with your loved ones, be it awake or asleep, in bed or out and about somewhere out there. Make some memories to cherish with each other and have a year ahead that sticks in your mind as a special one (or resolve to make it a special one).

Happy 2011!

Baby's First Christmas

On Christmas Day, we get discharged and its time to bring baby home!!! So we pack her in the car, put her in her new car seat, and whizz back in the morning before it starts getting really hot.

Before we know it, we're getting calls from hubby's parents, sister and brother in law and Nora and gang saying that they're bringing over lunch. So we put away all the stuff we brought back from the hospital and start getting ready to have visitors.

Come 1pm, hubby's parents are over and they've brought a Christmas spread!!! Ham and prawns and salad and coleslaw and buns and butter and pickles and the lot! Everything that they usually have at Christmas. Then hubby's sister and brother in law turn up to join in on the festivities. Then Nora and gang turn up with Indonesian food to add to the feast. Oh, how quickly it turned from being a simple, quiet homecoming to a full blown family Christmas affair.

And at the centre of it all, slept a perfect littl' baby...content to bask in the attention while everyone ooh'ed and aah'ed over her. Out sweet littl' angel - our very special Christmas present come early. 


Merry Christmas little one...

The birth...

On Monday the 20th, hubby took me  to the hospital. We arrived at about 5:30pm and proceeded to the labour ward where they hooked me up to some machine to get a baseline reading of baby's heart rate and my contractions. About an hour later, Dr Tai came to insert a gel in my cervix to help it to soften. Apparently, my cervix was already quite soft and I was 1cm dilated.

I was checked again at midnight and at 5am, and at this point, was found to be 2cms dilated. After a short nap, hubby arrived and we both went to the labour ward after I had a quick shower. There, Mel the midwife, asked if I was going to have an epidural. She said that I didn't have to use it if I didn't want to but that the anesthetist could be difficult to get hold of later on if I did. Hubby and I decided to have the epidural catheter put in and to use it if we needed to. There was a drip and a spinal tube and again, I was linked up to the fetal heart and contractions monitor.

After breakfast, Dr Tai came in to break my waters at about 9:30am. It felt weird, having all this warm fluid come out of me. And when a big contraction came, it would push out more amniotic fluid from me. Hubby and I would look at the contractions monitor from time to time, just to see how big some of the contractions were...but I was still pretty comfortable.

Come lunch time, Maggie the next midwife, offers the both of us some lunch and says that she's going to have to increase the amount of oxytocin to get the contractions to come closer together. She said that I was getting inconsistent strong contractions and they needed to have 4 strong contractions in 10 minutes to get things going. Time to up the dosage from 30mls to 60mls. This was about 1:30pm or so and was also right about the time when things started to hurt. And so we started the epidural.

At about 4pm, Maggie does a VE and says that my cervix has completely dilated and so off she goes to ring Dr Tai and gets me to start pushing. She coaches me on how to push with the contractions, where to put my hands, and what to do with my breathing. And so it begins.

Dr Tai came in at about 5-ish (time starts getting really fuzzy at this point as I'm concentrating real hard on pushing) and gets a bit concerned with my temperature and baby's heart rate. Apparently, it would take another 3 hours of labour to get baby out naturally. So he decided that we were going to have a vacuum delivery and tells me that if I push, he'll pull...and we'll have a baby. At some point, the vacuum comes off the baby's head (poor baby!) and I feel it too. Then, he puts it back on and we continue...

Dr Tai then gets concerned that she's not going to fit...so he does an episiotomy. Later, hubby confesses to hearing the snip and then witnessing all that blood loss. He was helping hold my legs up and was giving me encouragement but at that point, needed to sit down and gain a bit of colour. I remember the pain and how it felt to have baby bearing down...it was like I was being torn apart and I didn't know if I could take it any longer or if I could push anymore...I was so close to giving up...so so close...

It took 3 sets of strong pushes before baby came out...there was a pause at one point where Dr Tai got me to pant before asking me to start pushing again. And then presto - she was out! Once she was out, Dr Tai placed her on my breast, all bloody and wet and everything. It was a sight for sore eyes and it was just amazing. Our littl' girl...I was finally holding our baby.

Soon after, she was whizzed off to get cleaned and weighed and APGAR tested etc whilst Dr Tai harvested the cord blood, delivered the placenta and sewed me up. I was starting to feel the pain of his sewing as the epidural wore off and it probably took him a good 45 minutes to finish all that stitching. By this time, it was well past 6:30pm and I was exhausted.

The next thing we know, Dr Tai announces that the parents are here! Apparently, they had schemed to go to nearby tavern for dinner and then decided to walk over to see what was happening because there hadn't been any news on what was going on. Hubby sent them home and came back to spend time with baby and me. Baby had started rooting at the breast and that was the first time I breastfed. At that moment, the wonder of it all hit me and I fell in love with our littl' girl...

She's here...she's perfect...and she's all ours.

Welcome to this world littl' one...

Not Ready: Baby NinJa

It's almost time for me to come. Am I ready? I don't think so...its so nice and warm in mummy's tummy and I'm all safe in here! I get fed, I get rocked, I can do whatever I like...why would I want to come out?

Ah Ma keeps on checking Mummy's tummy's position with her fingers and saying that when there's 4 fingers between the top of the bump and Mummy's diaphragm that I'm ready to come. Well, I'm not...so there's no point continuing to check...