The Hardest Thing...

Ahhh...it's been awhile since I've been blogging. Perhaps it's time to
change from the Weekender Moo to the Once In A Blue Moon (if you're
lucky) Moo. But regularly blogging is not the hardest thing.

I'm sure there's going to be other things that come later that are
hard but this seems insurmountable at the moment. I never thought that
this would be as hard as it is...but it is.

I can't seem to bring myself to leave the house with baby.

When you put that in type, geez, it sounds like I have a condition or
some phobia. I never thought that I'd be one of these people who's
life would stop once baby came.

But it has. Well, for the time being anyway.

Doing anything ordinary seems hard. Anything ordinary is
extraordinary. Having a shower, cooking a meal, sleep...oh how I miss
sleep. Like they say, you don't realise how much you miss something
till it's gone.

But still, that isn't as hard as leaving the house.

I've gone out with mom + baby and hubby + baby but not just me + baby.
I don't know what it is...maybe it's the fear of not being able to
handle her...or of breastfeeding in a strange place...I don't know.

But I must do it. Mom will be going home soon...so I have a deadline...

Can I do it?


yati said...

hun... it is hard. i know mothers who took them months to be able to go out alone with their babies. you are not alone. it took me ages too... but i was lucky to have a colleague living near by to encourage me to go out. the first few times, i actually pat myself on the head when i did manage to go to the playground to meet up with her and her baby. and pat myself on the back when i managed to go to rhyme time without her.

but that is a big thing... every little thing is an achievement! seriously... when i managed to wash my face for the day is a tick on my to do list!

and i'm not going to lie and tell you it will get any easier. sleep will come the older they get but that does not mean that you will get your time back. bubba still cling make sure that whenever she looks up, i'm around. if not, she'll come looking for me. she'll follow me when i vacuum. she sometimes sit by my feet when i do the dishes. it came to a point on saturday when i was getting dressed and bubba and hubby walked in i almost screamed 'can't i have a minute to myself?'

hang in there... although all of these things are happening to me, she is still my BFF and the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Sorry for the long comment.


izchan said...

Your NinjaMoo ... it will come to you eventually.

ninja's are strong.


izchan said...

is ninja still in vacation?

naz said...

Once a year Moo you mean :)

izchan said...

hehhhee ... :) .. ninja on a mission.
Still trying to catch the elusive baby ninja and put on the diapers.


Come back soon, ninja.
We do miss your insights.