Relationships

Ahhh relationships...everybody has them. Even before birth, babies develop a relationship with their mother. And even after death, people still carry on relationships with loved ones long gone. You can even have a relationship with a pet...or in some instances, your mobile device! 

I was thinking the other day that adult relationships are the most complicated. 

When you're a kid, you don't really think about the other person - it's so me-centric. Everything revolves around me. My toys. My colour pencils. My Frozen birthday party. I know this because my threenager reminds me of this every single minute of her time awake. Me me me me me! And that's still a relationship, albeit a one-sided one.

And then you grow up a little and go to school. Relationships are still pretty easy - there is a shared purpose (get your homework done by hook or by crook, make jokes about that teacher who tries to be cool but is failing miserably, and try to keep up with the latest fads in music or clothes or books or games or whatever genre the cool kids are getting into and spreading. Oh, and also trying to not get caught skipping a class or two or school altogether).

Then it's time for university. Assignments. Late nights. Work experience. Road trips. Exams. Uni parties. Preparing for graduation and what comes next. Still, relationships are pretty easy. You choose who you hang out with, who you buddy up with to study and who you end up sharing accommodation with (that is, unless you end up on campus housing). Life's still pretty good.

And THEN you get out into the big, bad world. And that's where things start to fall apart.

You have work relationships but when is it crossing the line between work and friendship?

How does it look like if you hang out with work mates, especially bosses? Trying to kiss ass? Trying to score brownie points?

How do you build relationships outside of work? Sometimes, work is so all-consuming that there's no time for anything else. Family. Friends. Anything remotely close to a social life.

And do you want to build a long term relationship with people you work with every day of the week when sometimes, all they're there for is to do their job to get paid and nothing more?

All this is happening while the relationships that you've built before with your school friends and uni mates slowly start to fall by the wayside. Less and less time to stay in touch. Less and less time to hang out. Less and less time to cultivate the seeds sown so long ago...and so, less and less flowers and fruit come to bear. 

And one day, the plant is bare.

How now brown cow?

Where has the time gone...

Hello blogspot, my old friend,
I've come to write with you again.
Because a post is quietly brewing,
Left its tendrils while I was working,
And the mission that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of typing...
(Thank you to Simon & Garfunkel for the awesome song...kinda shows my age doesn't it?).

Wow, how long has it been since I did a post? It feels like forever. Well, close enough.

So what's been happening? Work, family and friends. And thoughts brewing in my head, desperately trying to escape and make themselves known. 

Soon...

Soon...

Today...

I know, I know...I really should change my blog title to 'Once in a Blue Moon Moo' at the rate I'm going! But really, it just makes each post all the more special...thank you to those of you who still read my blog and still make an effort to comment. I really appreciate you reaching out to say hello and connect. 

Today marks 8 years since hubby and I made it official that we would live our lives together. Usually our anniversary isn't marked by anything special or remarkable except an anniversary dinner. Heck, I don't even know what element is for the 8th year anniversary. But today is different...for a few reasons. I hugged hubby this morning and marvelled at how we've been married for 8 years and been through 2 kids, 2 furkids and 2 houses. We've been on a journey and we're most thankful that so far, things have been pretty good for us. Our kids are healthy, we have a roof over our heads and food on the table, and we have each other. Truly, that is all that should matter at the end of the day. 

Secondly, this day a year ago, one of our friends very nearly became roadkill. We are thankful that she is still with us and kicking along (or maybe I should say, cycling along). 

Thirdly, I made a new friend today in a world that is quite new to me. I have embarked on a hobby in the sewing world and am glad to have met in real life someone outside my circle of friends who also does this. It's the little things that make me happy. And she has the cutest bub to boot! 

And lastly, someone in the family turns 21 today. I'm glad that this special person has come through a rather emotional breakup and is now back on her feet and blossoming into true adulthood. Time heals all wounds...eventually. 

Some of you may think that these are mundane things in a world where war and famine and bigger issues rage. You may be right. But I'm learning to be more thankful of the little things and over what I can control. This past week, I've received news of death and horribleness that have made me realise that I'm so blessed. It started with news of a family friend who had passed away - she was like a grand aunt to me. She would cook for me whenever I came back to KL - I miss her yummy food, her generous smile and her quick wit. Then came news of a friend's family who had been in a car accident - his wife didn't make it. She was such a sweet, kind person - I still tear up when I think of her leaving her husband and her young family behind. You will be missed LL, by more people that you would imagine. And lastly, a friend was involved in an accident recently. Because all things usually come in threes, I was afraid to get more news of death but thankfully she and her unborn child are fine. I can't wait to meet the little one...you're already loved little bun. 

It's taken awhile to realise that life truly is short and as cliche as it sounds, you only live once. Sometimes you think "It will never happen to me" or "I'm still young". And then something unexpected happens and you realise that there really isn't much time left and that there is still so much unfinished business to do. 

So to my friends, friends from long ago and friends who are still spanking new...thank you for your friendship. I know I haven't been in touch as often as I would like or been around much. But I think of you all and keep you close in my heart. I hope you're all as well as can be in whatever circumstance you may be in. May the days be kind to you and the years fulfilling. Because it is passing quicker with each year and soon, we may all reach a point where the only way is downhill. And when we get there, hopefully the ride down is quick, exhilarating and eventful. And at that point, may the unfinished business be done and dusted and may we all have made peace with ourselves. 

Until I see you again dear friends, live long and prosper (yes, I watched Star Trek over the weekend). And cherish what you have today..because suddenly, you'll blink. And then it'll be gone before you know it. 

*hugs*

That's me for now. Now, I'm going to go take my own advice and hug my little munchkin and bask in his gummy smile. For it won't be long before he's 21 too...

Regret

Hello old friend...it's been awhile. How have you been? Have you been busy too? I'm sorry for being away for such a long time...life has happened. Kids, family, work...the usual everyday hamster wheel going round and round and round.

I don't usually have regrets in my life. That's not the way I role. But today, I will tell you of my biggest regret to date. It pains me greatly because I could have done something about it. But I didn't. I didn't follow my instincts. I was wrong...so, so wrong.

A few days ago, we had my baby boy circumcised.

That's right...circumcised. It has been the worse decision I've ever made in my life. Every time I look at him in pain, I die a little inside. Because I, as a mother, should have never agreed for such a little being to have to undergo so much pain for someone so little.

Sure, the doctor says it's not really painful...and so do the nurses. Sure, there's literature saying that neonates have no recollection of why something hurts - they live in the here and now.

But when I look at my baby boy, my tiny little man, and I hear him cry...I know he's in pain. And the worst part is - I know I caused it.

It breaks my heart...every single day...and every single day, I regret the decision I made.

I'm sorry, my chubba bubba. Mommy's so sorry for putting you through this ordeal. I can only do what I can to help you heal and hope that God has some mercy on you and takes away your pain and suffering.

I love you so much and I would take away this pain from you and bear it myself if I could...

I'm sorry...

I'm so, so sorry...

Halt!

Ahhh, just when you think things are going smoothly, life throws a wrench in the works. My dad had a stroke and is pretty much paralysed on the right hand side of his body.

I don't mean to complain but I am so tired. Tired of being the last to know. Tired of being the one who does the coordinating. Tired of being the go between. Tired of cleaning up after everyone. Just plain tired.

But most of all, I am sad. Of the extremely verbose and rich English language, this simple word sums up how I feel so succinctly.

I am sad that my dad will never be the same again. It has been shocking how much muscle and weight he has lost. And his speech...my multilingual father is reduced to a few simple words.

I am sad that my mom is beyond exhausted and that I can't do enough to help. And the light at the tunnel is still so so far away.

I am sad that my child will not know her grandfather as I know him. He was the man who taught me to ride a bike, catch a fish and sprint 100m. He nurtured my love for music and made me the analytical, methodical person that I am.

But most of all, in the depths of my soul, I am just plain sad. Terribly, unjustifiably sad. It is so unkind of God to leave such a strong man so weak and vulnerable. So terribly unkind.

But we must continue. For one day, we will come to the end of the tunnel. And hopefully, there will be light.

Please God, let there be light...