Note to self

I love my job, I love my job, I love my job...

How do I love thee? Oh let me count the ways.
I love thee to the death of my sight,
My stomach heaves, my fist is clenched tight.
For the end of living and everyday haste,
Oh why do I try, it's just such a waste.
Most quiet need be, I work til the night,
I love thee so much, I do what is right.
I love thee so true, I believe I'd turn blue,
From being a good employee, so much unlike you.
I love thee with passion, put to good use,
But never will I get any of the dues.
For you promise so much, but so little you give,
I bet you don't even care if I live!
So to work I say, I do love you so,
Just like a blister on my big toe.
Just like lying on a bed of nails,
You work so slow, even worse than a snail.
I don't care anymore, I'll just walk away,
Perhaps then, you might notice, hey!
But I look at the bills, oh boy there's a few,
So I harden my heart and get back in the queue.

Back to the slog, back to the rat race,
Back to being shoved in my square littl' place.
I must remember to breathe, to remember there's an end,
Perhaps, only then, we could possibly be friends.
Perhaps...
But I'd probably shove a stake through my heart first.

Today...

I Pray...

Dear God,

I heard a little angel has gone back to your arms. I pray that You will look after this angel and the family, who is no doubt in suffering at the moment. May You bestow compassion and understanding to the people that this family deal with so that they may pass through this painful period with support from loved ones and friends. May You also look after them and give them the strength to continue on with life.

On this day, I also give thanks for the many blessings I have received. I give thanks that my loved ones are well and happy, and that we have shelter and food. I give thanks for their love and support and for being there when I need them. I give thanks that my friends are alive and kicking, and are healthy and well. I am grateful that I have friends who keep me sane, and friends who make sure I'm insane. There are so many things that I could give thanks for but the people in my life are the most important.

Today, I take a moment out of the craziness of everyday life and whisper a prayer. I want to remind myself of how lucky I am and give thanks for all that I have because someday in the future, only God knows when, it might be the time for me to close the book and end the story.

So God, I know you're listening. You know the drill.

Amen.

Do I Have To?

All Tagged Out

That's it! This is the last and final one for...for awhile. I'm done with it and at this point, I don't wanna do anymore. Not posting any more of 'em, nope. Nada. Zilch. Zeeeero. If any of you tag me after this, I will...hmmm...ermmm...kinda hard to threaten when the moon seems closer to me than any of you! I was going to say tickle you to death but that would require a plane trip and that's not going to happen (unless you wanna fund my ticket back to Malaysia. That's why I'm saving my pennies, by the way).

Anyway, getting down to business. Time to do what 'D B' tagged me with. So here we go:

15 Things I'd Like To Do Before I Die:
1) Have children, see them grow up and be there to teach them the important things in life - like lose the game/a friend/money but don't lose the lesson...Fall and fall again, just pick yourself up every time...Make friends, they make the world a whole lot less lonely...so many lessons, so little time.
2) Become financially independent and buy a home in Malaysia so that my parents can watch their grandchildren grow up (something I never had the pleasure of...grandparents passed away when I was young).
3) Travel to Europe (I've always wanted to go to France...it just seems like such a romantic place to be)...but I'm not that fussed as to where. Anywhere in Europe is good.
4) Write a book which helps someone...somehow. Anyone know anybody who's willing to talk about their experience with any form of substance abuse?
5) Find a way to help increase world literacy...I'm happy to start with Malaysian literacy. Kids need to be able to read, regardless of what their parents want (or don't in this case).
6) Be fluent in Mandarin (oh man, I still remember who turned me off Mandarin classes...this huge, balding Chinese teacher who would put a pig to shame. Now that I think about it, I shouldn't compare him to a pig - it doesn't do the pig any justice).
7) Play in an orchestra (don't really mind which instrument...I really should start my flute lessons and I hear it's easy to pick up the cello but wouldn't it be cool to be someone from percussion section? Like a harpist...).
8) Be able to display a piece of my art - be it through photography or some other way. I guess it doesn't have to be an exhibition. It just has to be good enough to be displayed.
9) Buy my dad a really cool 4WD. Like a Pajero. Or Jeep. Then he can go bush-bashing on the way to his fishing destination.
10) Grow old with hubby and spend our 50th anniversary on some secluded island.
11) Take a cruise to the Artic or the Carribbean. I know, pretty extreme in temperatures but I wanna see polar bears...or have some Carribbean food and soak in the culture.
12) Read all the books in our library and then some. I keep adding to our collection so this is a never ending dream.
13) Find a career - not just a job. Something I look forward to everyday which still pays the bills and the mortgage and the shopping and all my needs and wants.
14) Open a bookstore + kopitiam + a kid area similar to what Ikea has. Doesn't have to be a big place but it definitely has to be comfy. Some place where regulars can hang out.
15) Write (not email but conventional snail mail) to each person who has changed my life and thank them simply for being there.

There. I've done it. Can't be bothered about tagging anyone else. I'd like to read your list but if you don't want to do it...*shrug* I'm not gonna be the one to convince you to! Now, I'm going to sleep. I've got a case of the sniffles and need my sleep. Good nite!

Should I...

Or Shouldn't I?

Initially, I was going to do the tag that NinjaBzzz Bzzz Bee tagged me with. But something happened today that stuck in my mind and has made me wonder if I did the right thing.

Hubby & I try to commute to and from work together. We usually drive to the train station and take the train to work and back home again.

Today, after work, I reached the train station before he did and was reading my book while waiting for him. Along came a young girl, who stopped in front of me and said:

"Do you have a spare dollar? I don't have any money to go home."

Now the thoughts that raced through my mind went something like this...

• Hmmm...she's got quite a few piercings on her face...
• She looks 'Goth' (but I shouldn't judge someone by her looks)...
  
• A dollar isn't going to get her home unless she's a student
• How do I know she's not lying to me? What if she's on drugs or something?

And so, I turned my jacket pockets inside out and came across twenty cents that I had picked up a few weeks ago.

"Is twenty cents okay?" I asked.

"I guess so. Thanks," she mumbled and shuffled off.

I went back to my book but couldn't concentrate. I looked up a couple of minutes later and saw her at the ticket machine. I don't know how but she got the fare she needed to buy a ticket.

I kinda feel a littl' bit bad for not giving her the dollar. A few years ago, I might have given it to her without any further thought. It's kinda sad knowing that you can't trust strangers anymore or reach out to help someone coz' you'd end up get bitten in the bum for doing so. Has my previous job in Fraud and my exposure to House MD made me believe that "Everybody Lies"? Should I have given her the dollar?

In the great scheme of things, I guess a dollar isn't that big a deal. But the thought that has been haunting me ever since I reached home was this:
"What if my child needed a dollar? Would someone give it to her?"

& the conclusion is...

A Story Book

Yup, that's right. That is the conclusion. The conclusion to my 'Should I or shouldn't I write a book ' question is that it shall be a story book.

At this moment, I think uncle is probably going "WHAT?"

Well, if I think about it, you're actually the one who gave me the idea. You errr..."said" (even though it's via MSN, it's still said, technically, right?):
"Talk to old people. Ask them the question".

And magically, that fed through to my brain and turned itself into A Story Book. Literally.

If I can't fill the book up with my made-up stories, then I'm sure other people have stories to share as well. And what else is a good writer but a good storyteller? So yes, between uncle and I, we've decided that the first draft will be done by the end of this year. A pretty ambitious target to set but I did say at the beginning of the year that one of my goals for this year would be to learn or acquire another source of income.

Well...we can attempt to see if this could possibly be a starting point.

So we are halfway through the year and I have 6 more months to figure out how I'm going to turn this idea into reality. I may turn to some of you for help, ideas and inspiration. I won't hold you to helping...but I will appreciate anything thrown my way. If you know interesting people, let me know. If you don't know if they're interesting, still let me know. Because I want the stories to reflect life in general...as long as you're breathing, you have something to share.

I'm still figuring out if I want this solely to be about people our age...somewhere along the continuum of Generation X meets Generation Y or to be just about anyone. I don't know. I guess that will sort itself out. Things always have a way of working out in the end. So *cross fingers*...and *uncross fingers* coz' it's a lot faster to type with all of them.

And now, let the games begin...